“The defects of a man appear in his talk” (Ecclesiaticus 27). “A man’s words flow out of what fills his heart.” (Luke 6) These two phrases from our Mass today certainly push us to watch our tongues. Let’s consider a simple issue that concerns our speech. Let us consider the problem with being either a “Debbie Downer” or a “hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil Ellmore”. (I’m not sure why I picked Ellmore here, it just seemed logical to give it a name, since poor Debbie is saddled with the other.). I’m not sure who you identify with more. I am sure that there are many who qualify for both titles. We would all do our neighbors a favor if we analyzed our comments about others. 

If you find yourself always, or almost always criticizing and complaining and seeing the defects of others, chances are that others consider you a Debbie, even if your name is Sam. Truly, it is hard to live with a Debbie Downer. I believe Our Lord would caution you. He would ask you to put away the tendency to automatically point out the faults of others and the impossibility of even trying to get started with a task. But the Ellmores can be just as destructive to a good relationship with their “speak no evil” attitude. If our only choice was between a Debbie and Ellmore, most of us would choose Ellmore, just because positive people are more pleasant to be around. Positive people are more pleasant to be around for the most part. But such a “hear no evil” attitude can really be obnoxious too. The “I don’t want to hear any bad news” person often lacks that virtue we know as “compassion”. In other words, when we hurt or when we are really worried about something, Ellmore gives us no comfort. 

One of my favorite lines in a movie comes from Dolly Parton in Steal Magnolias. A friend who comes to her shop shares the pain of a bad marriage. She comforts the friend by saying, “Now don’t cry honey. I have a strict policy that no one cries alone in my presence.” Dolly wants the friend to know that she can share her worries and hurts. She is saying, “If you are hurt than I will cry with you.” That has always reminded me of Jesus on the cross. Our Lord shares our hurts. He suffers with us even though he didn’t have to. He knows evil and bad things happen and they cause us many tears. The popular radio personality, Dennis Prager often says, “If sorry was water, we’d all drown.” The Ellmores, or the overly positive people, tend to run away from others when they are down. They are not interested in what is hurting them. It is like they are allergic to troubles and so they say things like, “Oh it’s nothing.” or “Get over it”. Dolly is willing to shed a tear with her friend, even though she may not know what it’s all about. 

We should all practice saying from time to time to a hurting friend, “That must really hurt. But God never abandons us. Somehow, we must accept God’s will.” “Blessed are they who are sorrowful, they will be consoled”. “It is good to give thanks to the Lord, for the just will flourish like the palm trees.”