Historic

Church Chuckles

Page 3

What is your church preference?

While filling out an application for employment, the applicant came to a query which asked, "What is your Church Preference?" The man, not being a person of extraordinary intelligence thought the question for some time because he really needed the job. He wanted to impress the employer and answered very confidently, "I prefer a red brick church." 

 

What denomination circulates in your church?

A gathering of folding money of various denominations was chatting about all the places they had recently been.  The 1000 Dollar bill said that he had been traveling all over the world: Rio, Spain, France, and back to the USA.  The 100 Dollar bill said he had been to the gambling boats: Shreveport, Vicksburg, Baton Rouge.  The 1 Dollar bill said it had been traveling from church to church to church!

 

Things You Never Hear in Church:

Hey! It's MY turn to sit on the front pew!

I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went over time 25 minutes.

Personally, I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.

I've decided to give our church the $500.00 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.

I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.

 I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!

Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!

 

Persevere

A young pastor was sitting in a restaurant eating lunch. He opened a letter from his mother he just got that morning. As he opened it a twenty dollar bill fell out. He thought: "Thanks, mom, I could use that right about now." As he finished his meal he noticed a beggar outside on the sidewalk leaning against the light post. He thought: "That fella could probably use the $20 more than I."
 
So he crossed out the names on the envelope and put the $20 in the envelope and wrote across the top in large letters. "PERSEVERE!" So as not to make a scene, he put the envelope under his arm and dropped it as he walked past the man. The man picked it up and read the message and smiled. The next day, while the pastor was eating his lunch, the same man tapped him on the shoulder and handed him a big wad of bills. Surprised the young pastor asked him what that was for? The man replied, this is your half of the winnings. "PERSEVERE" came in first in the fourth race at the track yesterday, and he paid 30 to 1.

 

Good Sermon

The definition of a good sermon: It should have a good beginning. It should have a good ending. And they should be as close together as possible